When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
