I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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