ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
