My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
