i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
