Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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