she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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