I accidentally had phone sex last night
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
