I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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