I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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