I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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