at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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