at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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