When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
