I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
