yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do herpes really smell.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
