My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
