did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
