he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
