Just fell off a train. Bad.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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