Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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