dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
