If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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