My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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