Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it penis luge time yet?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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