You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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