I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
