just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
