i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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