My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
