ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
