there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
