um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
