Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
