Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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