DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
