and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
