A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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