the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
