dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
