I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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