look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
