i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
