Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize