My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
