I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
