the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
