yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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