New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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