Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
