So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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